I think the changes compliment the paper quite well. The structure and most of the grammatical misques have been improved, while still maintaining a good flow. The research and specificity on the topic remains strong. Also, the addition of citing the sources is key to completing this essay successfully.
Alot was improved but still the structure and transition sentences between paragraphs can be improved. Also there tends to be an over reliance, in my eyes, on the research and not enough on tying it all into the big picture in the conclusion. Overall improvement on an otherwise very good paper.
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