Will, I think your essay flows nicely. Also, I particularly think that the introduction paragraph is very strong. The thesis connects the intro to the body of work quite well and that is key. The attention to specific officers in the text allows the paper to be extremely focused (i.e. Lt. Col. Cain, etc) thus giving a strong backbone to your thesis. The body of works that you used to research and discuss this topic seem to be the most positive aspect of your work so far. However, there is no bibliography in the first draft nor parenthetical documentation. Without these elements I cannot double check the sources for content and accuracy in implementation. The structure of the paper has some minor flaws but does flow nicely.
Add a bibliography and parathetical documentation make a few grammatical changes and the paper is quite good.
B
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